If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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