I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
