I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
