So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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