the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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