I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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