last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
