Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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