If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
