i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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