I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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