biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
