I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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