Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
