he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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