I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
