I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
