You made me cry and you don't even care
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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