what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
