i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
