apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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