We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
