Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
