I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
