Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
