can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
