You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
