Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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