what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
