So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
