Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She bit a glass in half.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
