I think im going to throw up on grandma
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
