When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
