4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
