Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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