if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize