The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
