OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
