Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
