We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize