my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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