He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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