bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
