meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
