Nicole vs. Life
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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