theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
