I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
