yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
