I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize