Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
