He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
