His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
