He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
