Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
