Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
