9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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