Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
