How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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