so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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