Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
