Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
