Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I won the penis lottery.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
