Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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