please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
