i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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