my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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